Growing in the Theological Virtues: to Love as Jesus Loves (Charity)

The theological virtues empower us to have a relationship with God. But they do this by building on human nature with the supernatural gifts of grace. So far we have explored human aspects of love. Eros, storge, and philios are human forms of love. Grace strengthens these types of love. But this last form of love – agape – is possible only by the grace of charity.

The last type of love in the Greek language is Agape. In the ancient Greek world, Philios was the highest form of human love. Agape was defined as “the love of the gods.” You see, the ancient Greeks saw a sharp division between humans and gods. The sin of pride – defined in large part by a human aspiring to become a god, or to claim godly privilege – was one of the worst sins possible in the Greek mind. Are you familiar with the story of Achilles? The Iliad is pretty much the story of the sin of Achilles. Offended by his king, Achilles became angry. And the word used to describe his anger is menus. This is the Greek word for the anger of the gods. In other words, in his anger Achilles was claiming for himself the privilege of the gods. And as a result of his pride the Trojan war becomes bloodier and Achilles loses his best friend (who dies trying to do what Achilles was SUPPOSED to be doing).

Agape is the same kind of word. The love of the gods. Now, if you know anything about Greek mythology, you know that the gods weren’t very good at Philios. They were selfish and petty. But they had a right to be, since they were so great that they didn’t need to put anyone else above themselves (so different from the one true God, isn’t it?). But when the gods fell in love, things happened.

• People turned into trees or constellations or animals.
• Wars were begun or ended or won or lost.
• Leaders were established or overthrown
• Heroes were made or destroyed

All because the gods fell in love or were jealous of the love of another god. That was the Greek idea of Agape. Human beings were not to aspire to Agape. Human love didn’t have the power to change the world.

But then Jesus Christ – who is God – came to earth to show us what the love of God was really like. He did this by offering himself on the Cross as a free gift in payment for our sins. Jesus offered EVERYTHING – his divinity, his humanity, his life, even his dignity. He held nothing back. And because he is God, he rose from the dead and gained it all back again.

But then Jesus does the truly unthinkable (in the Greek mind, anyway). He gives his disciples a new commandment. His new commandment is to love one another as he has loved (John 13:34). The Old Law – the 10 Commandments – were about love too. So why is this a new commandment? The 10 Commandments taught us Philios. Jesus taught us and then commanded us to Agape. It’s not enough for us to will the good of the other. Jesus calls us to pour ourselves out for the good of the other. He tells us to hold nothing back. Give ourselves completely. And trust in the power of the Resurrection to keep us from annihilating ourselves in love. “Greater love has no man than this – the lay down his life for a friend” (John 15:13)

So then I ask young people, “do I have agape for my truck?” Absolutely not. Nobody in his right mind gives up everything for his truck.

So do I have agape for my wife? Thinking that they now know where I’m going (again), the young people (and their parents) proclaim, “yes!”

To which I respond, “Careful! Do I pour myself out for my wife each and every day? Do I selflessly give her everything that I am and everything that I have without counting the cost?

No.

The correct answer is — I’m trying.”

You see, marriage is (as Pope John Paul II put it) a SCHOOL of love. It is where we learn how to love completely. It is where we learn Agape. Agape is the love of God. It doesn’t come naturally to us. I didn’t get married because I had “fallen in love” or because I had “found love.” I got married because God called me to learn to love through this vocation. I’m growing in Agape, hopefully every day. As I learn to love my wife and my children in this way, I will also learn to love others. But it takes time and effort and grace to learn to love like God.