Growing in the Theological Virtues – Emotion, Desire and Human Love (Charity)

The Theological Virtues are like muscles. We receive them from God. But we have to exercise them to keep them and to strengthen them. Human love doesn’t just happen to us. We need to consciously strengthen it and nurture it. What role do emotions and desires play in human love? Are the theological virtues related to emotions and desires at all? The answer is yes, but you’ll need to read this whole series to understand how! Let’s get started.

The first kind of love is Eros. Now, we get the word “erotic” from this Greek word, but Eros isn’t only about sexual attraction. It is defined as the recognition of something as good and the desire to attain it. Eros is the most physical form of love, and it is mainly expressed through our emotions.

• Do I have Eros for chocolate? Definitely.
• Do I have Eros for my truck? It’s not as emotional, but sure.
• Do I have Eros for my wife? Most young people think they know where I’m going here and will immediately say no. Then I review the definition with them. Do I identify my wife as good and want to make her part of my life? Most certainly!

Then I ask if there is any difference in the way I love my wife at this level of love. You can see how sexual attraction would certainly be part of my Eros for my wife, but it also includes other attributes that I love in her. So Eros for my wife moves to a deeper appreciation than it does for chocolate or for my truck. However, if I stop here I am still in danger of loving my wife (or a friend or an associate) the same way I love my truck.

The next type of love in the Greek language is storge (store-jay). Storge is the general love and respect we give to other persons in recognition of their dignity. While the ancient Greeks had a sense of what this meant, storge becomes even more important to the Christian who recognizes that every human being is created in the image and likeness of God, and that we are all called to be children of God and princes and princesses in the Kingdom of God. This respect puts a much-needed check on Eros in regards to other people. It keeps us from moving from appreciation of the good in people to using them like things for the sake of that good. The general rule of Storge is that people are to be loved and respected, things are to be used.

Storge is most commonly expressed in the manners and courtesies we use with others even when we don’t know them. Holding doors for people, shaking hands, and saying please and thank-you are all expressions of storge. This form of love may also be expressed within our conscience when we are tempted to use a person as an object, or after we do so.

• Do I have Storge for chocolate or for my truck? Nope. There is no person there to respect. These things exist purely for my pleasure.
• Do I have Storge for my wife? Here is where the response of the young people is most appropriate – you better! Actually, my wife and I established traditions of Storge very early in our relationship. We are very conscious of treating each other respectfully, and of appreciating each other with gratitude. That conscious effort has made a huge difference in our relationship, paving the way for a solid friendship and keeping our marriage from eroding into selfish habits (for the most part, anyway).

Speaking of friendship, that brings us to the next level of love, Philios.

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