Growing in the Theological Virtues – Human Love & Friendship (Charity)

The Theological Virtues are like muscles. We receive them from God. But we have to exercise them to keep them and to strengthen them. Human love doesn’t just happen to us. We need to consciously strengthen it and nurture it. In this article we continue to answer what role emotions and desires play in human love. But we also explore how love is a choice and how love and friendship are related.

The Greek work Philios translates into “brotherly love.” The city of Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love not because its citizens love each other more than in others cities, but because its name is derived from Philios. But this isn’t necessarily the kind of love that I naturally have for my siblings. Actually, this is the kind of love I have for my friend, whom I choose to adopt as my brother. So Philios is expressed, not primarily as an emotion or a habit, but as a choice.

— Part 1: Eros – Emotion, Desire and Human Love

Philios is defined as the choice of putting the good of the other person before your own. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines “love” as “to will the good of the other.” That’s Philios.

• Do I have Philios for chocolate? Do I will its good before my own? No, I don’t care about the chocolate’s good. When I enjoy chocolate, I consume it.
• Do I have Philios for my truck? Some may be tempted to say yes. Most people take really good care of their truck. Some people love their trucks so much that they invest a lot of time and money into their trucks. But is this really Philios? WHY do we care for our vehicles? The truth is that even the most devoted truck fanatic loves his truck because of what it does for him – transportation, status, or a fun distraction. As soon as the truck that I love stops delivering, I’m looking for a new one. If I treated my wife this way, I’d be in trouble. This is where a lot of relationships go wrong.
• Do I have Philios for my wife? If our relationship is healthy, this is where our marriage resides. In healthy marriages, husbands and wives see each other as lifelong friends. They make a daily conscious effort to put each other’s goods before their own – to CHOOSE to love each other selflessly. Yes, I have Philios for my wife.

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