Nurturing Christian Friendship with the Gift of Time

A good Christian friendship is a gift from God. But like all areas of Catholic spiritual growth, keeping a Christian friendship strong requires some conscious, deliberate effort. In any relationship you want to nurture, the best thing you can do is to give the Gift of Time. Catholic author and speaker Matthew Kelly calls this important element of relationships “carefree timelessness.”

Carefree timelessness refers to the gift of complete presence to the other – where you don’t count the time spent together or worry about it. We’ve all had spontaneous experiences of carefree timelessness. My Dad and I spent many hours out on the lake “soaking a few worms” as he always said. We weren’t great fishermen. Most of the time my mom would ask what we got and Dad would respond, “We got there, and we got back.” Now, I love catching fish. But looking back on my childhood, I am thankful that my Dad wasn’t a more serious fisherman. He wasn’t focused on the right gear, the best boat, the fish finder, the best fishing spots. His only concern was getting out and enjoying some quiet time with his son in the beauty of nature. He gave me the gift of time, and our friendship really grew because of it. He also set a great example for me.

Friends of mine experienced the tragic loss of their newborn baby boy as a result of a heart defect. They held a funeral Mass for him and a reception afterward. I spent most of that day in silence, sitting next to my friends while they performed the strange duties our culture burdens the bereaved with – playing host and hostess. At the end of the day, my friend thanked me for being such a good friend. I scoffed a bit and said, “All I did was sit here.” His response really honored me. He said, “You have the gift of just being present to a friend. That really meant a lot to me today.” The gift of time is powerful.

Giving time and presence does a number of awesome things for a relationship, including a Catholic friendship.

1. Spending time with someone offers you the opportunity to communicate with each other. Communication is key to relationship since that is the way to build trust and intimacy.

2. Growth through trust, intimacy, commitment and love require that we invest time in someone. As we invest the time – assuming the character necessary for friendship is present in both people involved in the relationship, we grow in our willingness to invest ourselves in the other person.

3. The gift of time makes the other person feel really special. When your time and attention could be anywhere, but you choose to invest them in that person – the recipient of that gift really feels your gift.

Giving the gift of time is one strategy for building a strong Christian Friendship. And it’s one example of how we need to be strategic and deliberate about relationship building. You can learn more strategies for deliberately building good Catholic relationships in the “Rebuilding Your Inner Abbey” program. “Rebuilding the Inner Abbey” is an online program that guides you to rebuild that place in your heart where you can truly focus on what is most important – loving God and neighbor.

One of the rooms of your inner abbey is the Cafeteria, where even the most cloistered of religious orders gather to enjoy nourishment and fellowship. The Cafeteria of your inner abbey represents the place in your heart where you take conscious, deliberate hold of your relationships so that you can truly nurture them into relationships of love.

You can begin “Rebuilding Your Inner Abbey” by discovering the “Keys to Spiritual Growth” that unlock each of the rooms of your inner abbey.

I invite you to register for a FREE online course that introduces you to the Keys to Spiritual Growth. Just click here to learn about all of the important areas of spirituality that we need to nurture in order to truly live as God created us. Click here now and begin the process of rebuilding your inner abbey!

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