Christian Friendship – Bound Together in Love

Like all areas of Catholic spiritual growth, keeping a Christian friendship strong requires some conscious, deliberate effort. One of the most important strategies for building strong Christian friendships is to give the relationship the gift of time. But another important element of any relationship is the existence of a common purpose. The stronger this common purpose is, the more binding it is. This “Binding Third” allows the members of a relationship to transcend themselves. They grow together by growing toward their common purpose. That’s why it’s called the “binding third.”

For true unity of heart and true equality of friendship, the unity between friends must have a spiritual source. A relationship that is founded on physical goods or social status is usually selfish and therefore insecure. A relationship based on a shared intellectual pursuit such as a common interest is only slightly more secure. Simply sharing an interest may draw two people together initially, but it’s not enough for a close, permanent bond. True friendship is a kinship of the soul and an interchange of equals. Lasting relationships are forged with a spiritual binding third. The higher the binding third, the more it draws a relationship together.

What Common Cause Truly Binds a Friendship?

As I said, the stronger this binding third the more it draws a relationship together. And there is no stronger binding third than a relationship with God – no greater common purpose than to get each other to heaven. There are others. And they have their proper place. But our relationship with God is the greatest source of unity we could ever hope for or imagine.

In fact, friendship can survive nearly any superficial differences if hearts are bound together by high spiritual goods. The friendship may even benefit from such differences. But when the differences lie in the higher spiritual level, the unequal yoke becomes a burden on the relationship.

I experienced this with my best childhood friend Brett, who grew up to be an atheist. We were friends through grade school, through high school, and into college because of our shared common interests and similar temperaments. Our shared experience and intimacy over time strengthened our bond of friendship. But in the end, as I grew in my understanding of God and he grew in his conviction of atheistic nihilism, our friendship weakened and withered. In contrast, I have a good friend named Dan who shares very little in common with me outside of the faith. Our personalities are quite different. I tend to be much more intellectual. He tends to be more action-oriented. WE share a few common interests, but I could never imagine him enjoying a Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon the way I did with my childhood friend in college. Yet Dan and I share a bond of brotherhood that is centered in our shared faith.

As we cultivate our friendships, we eventually need to consecrate them. A relationship cannot become permanent unless it becomes spiritual. There must be a deep unity of the soul. True friends are joined in the quest for holiness. They try to get each other to Heaven. And the higher our relationships are, the closer the communion that is demanded. So what is true of friendship is even more true for parents and children and between married couples. Uniting our friendships with the bonds of Christ fulfills the ultimate meaning and purpose of human relationships. When we consecrate our relationships we bond ourselves to each other in love and we unite ourselves and each other to God.

That’s why friendship is so crucial to Catholic spiritual growth. And that’s why friendship is one of the key elements of the “Rebuilding Your Inner Abbey” program. “Rebuilding the Inner Abbey” is an online program that guides you to rebuild that place in your heart where you can truly focus on what is most important – loving God and neighbor. One of the rooms of your inner abbey is the Cafeteria, where even the most cloistered of religious orders gather to enjoy nourishment and fellowship. The Cafeteria of your inner abbey represents the place in your heart where you take conscious, deliberate hold of your relationships so that you can truly nurture them into relationships of love. If you’re serious about building your relationships with Jesus, with your family, with your friends – and I know you are because you are still reading this – then click here to register for a FREE online course that introduces you to the Keys to Spiritual Growth (the keys that open each room in your inner abbey so you can start rebuilding them). You’ll learn about all of the important areas of spirituality that we need to nurture in order to truly live as God created us. Click here now and begin the process of rebuilding your inner abbey!

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