Nurturing Christian Friendship with the Gift of Intimacy

A good Christian friendship is a gift from God. But like all areas of Catholic spiritual growth, keeping a Christian friendship strong requires some conscious, deliberate effort. One of the most important strategies for building strong Christian friendships is to give the relationship the gift of time.

But the time you spend with each other does not always hold the highest value in and of itself. Quality and quantity BOTH matter. This is where I have personally gone wrong in most of my friendships. I am more than willing to spend time with close friends. I am not a good communicator. And communication is key to any relationship.

The best form of communication for relationship building is what some people call “True Conversation.” This term has popped up especially amidst the social media craze as something that our culture lacks in today.

Spending some time just chattering at each other is OK to a certain extent. When I get together with my best friend, Father James, our conversations usually take a certain pattern. We

1. Catch up on our lives – this could be considered small talk, but it’s also a pretty important foundation of a good conversation since we don’t see each other often.

2. Joke around a lot – we have a great sense of humor together and it is one of the most enjoyable aspects of our relationship. This one isn’t really a stage in our conversation – it happens throughout.

3. Talk about issues we care about – mostly the state of spirituality within the Church, sometimes our shared interest in astronomy, etc.

But that’s where we usually stop. And that’s not good, and we’re working on that.

Small talk like talking about the weather or sports or some other small talk is easy. It doesn’t require much trust because it doesn’t risk much. When Father James and I “catch up” with each other, we are sharing a bit more personally. This requires a bit more trust and a bit more vulnerability. Talking about a shared interest is a great way to build a foundation for the relationship. It leads naturally into sharing your opinions and ideas with each other, which requires even more trust. You don’t know how your friend might respond. You face the possibility of a disagreement putting a wedge in your relationship.

How much more of a risk is it to talk about your hopes, dreams, fears, faults and failures? Yet, this is the point of true conversation that leads to true intimacy. That’s where Father James and I don’t go very often. If we want to deepen our friendship, we really need to get to the point of being able to talk about these deeper, more personal things with each other. Now – it’s not like Father James and I never talk at this level. But we haven’t really consciously cultivated this level of depth. And that makes all the difference.

So be sure to cultivate deep conversation in your most important relationships. It’s a very important part of strategic and deliberate relationship building. You can learn more strategies for deliberately building good Catholic relationships in the “Rebuilding Your Inner Abbey” program. “Rebuilding the Inner Abbey” is an online program that guides you to rebuild that place in your heart where you can truly focus on what is most important – loving God and neighbor.

One of the rooms of your inner abbey is the Cafeteria, where even the most cloistered of religious orders gather to enjoy nourishment and fellowship. The Cafeteria of your inner abbey represents the place in your heart where you take conscious, deliberate hold of your relationships so that you can truly nurture them into relationships of love.

You can begin “Rebuilding Your Inner Abbey” by discovering the “Keys to Spiritual Growth” that unlock each of the rooms of your inner abbey.

I invite you to register for a FREE online course that introduces you to the Keys to Spiritual Growth. Just click here to learn about all of the important areas of spirituality that we need to nurture in order to truly live as God created us.
Click here now and begin the process of rebuilding your inner abbey!

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